Episode 38: Calling All Women: A Lesson on Female Empowerment
Episode 38: Calling All Women: A Lesson on Female Empowerment
This week Alyssa sits down with the wonderful Petia Kolibova, a women’s transformation coach. Petia shares her journey from living with an eating disorder and feeling unworthy to now feeling fully empowered and confident in her life. Tune in for an incredible discussion on how Petia helps women to remember that we are all divine and powerful beings!
Alyssa Scolari [00:23]:
Alyssa Scolari [00:23]:
Hello and welcome, ladies, gentlemen, human beings alike. This is another episode of the Light After Trauma Podcast. This is a podcast by trauma survivors for trauma survivors. I am your host, Alyssa Scolari, and I am happy to be here with you for another week. And this week we have… Oh you know what? I didn’t even ask how to pronounce your name, that was so incredibly rude of me. Is it Petia?
Petia Kolibova [00:53]:
Alyssa Scolari [00:55]:
Petia. Petia Kolibova.
Petia Kolibova [00:59]:
You got it perfectly now.
Alyssa Scolari [01:03]:
Okay. So we’re starting off on a great note. So I am happy to have here with us Petia Kolibova She is a women’s transformational coach who helps women who have been pushed down and have been playing it small due to toxic relationships or unhealed childhood trauma to create a life that is true to them and their soul purpose. Amen. Petia’s mission is to help women who are on the path to healing from past wounds move through their limiting beliefs and internal blocks so that they can finally do what they want to do, what feels good to them, serve other women in a powerful way online.
Alyssa Scolari [01:46]:
Petia pairs feminine flow with strategic planning to give entrepreneurs immense clarity and exact steps to transition from side hustler to CEO. If she’s not interviewing on her podcast, Unapologetically Abundant, working out or reading, you will find her in nature disconnecting from the world and connecting to herself. Welcome, Petia. How are you?
Petia Kolibova [02:13]:
I am doing amazing. Thank you so much for having me, Alyssa. And actually, I find it really refreshing that you didn’t ask me how to pronounce my name, because every time I jump on an interview with people they’re like, “Okay, so before we even introduce each other, before we start talking, how do you pronounce your name.” So I was like, “Oh, this is nice, refreshing.” So you are being original, unique and look how beautifully it played out.
Alyssa Scolari [02:40]:
Yeah, listen, I’m going for it. You know what it is? It was just that we started talking and then I already felt like I’ve known you for five years. So I was just like, “Oh, I got this.” And I just didn’t even think to ask. So yeah, it played out okay. So I appreciate you being here. You are a rockstar of a woman. So could you just elaborate and expand a bit more and what it is you do, because you are doing all types of incredible things.
Petia Kolibova [03:11]:
Well, thank you so much, Alyssa. That’s so beautiful and such a beautiful introduction. And thank you for calling me a rockstar. I think it’s very sweet of you. And if you would have told me this 15, 10, heck, even five years ago, I wouldn’t see myself as a rockstar, I would see myself as a rock on the bottom, really, because back then it wasn’t me who has a podcast, the love of her life who she’s getting married in two months and getting myself [crosstalk 00:03:41].
Alyssa Scolari [03:40]:
Petia Kolibova [03:41]:
Right? And having a six figure online coaching business. Five, 10, 15 years ago I was very insecure, I felt that I’m unworthy, unlovable. And I was attracting the experiences that were just confirming that. They were confirming my feeling of unworthiness. I went through depression, anxiety, antidepressants. I went through the attempt of suicide, suicidal thoughts, eating disorder. And really the feeling that I’m just the waste of a space, like why am I even here? It didn’t make sense to me, like why am I here? And I know that maybe not just your listeners, but people in general, they are thinking about, “Why am I here? What is my purpose?”
Petia Kolibova [04:27]:
I was waking up every single day and I was feeling and thinking that there must be more. If not, this is so silly. We’re born, we go through the darkness then we get the job, maybe get married, couple kids and then die. I was thinking that if somebody, higher power, whatever you believe, universe, God created this, this is pretty silly, let me tell you. So I was holding on that hope that there must be more in life, this cannot be it. The world is spinning, the planets are not crashing into each other, we are breathing, our heart is beating, we don’t have to control these things. So I wanted to believe that whoever is controlling these things that we don’t have to think about has a higher intelligence than just bring us here, go through some suffering, go through glimpses of fun or joy, and then die.
Petia Kolibova [05:24]:
And that’s something that really it was just this unstoppable curiosity in me to try to figure it out. So I was trying to figure it out through doing all the right things. I went to school, I went to fitness competition, I got married, I was doing all the right things, checking off the boxes. I got my Bachelor’s in Marketing, I got my MBA, I got the great corporate job that I was raising the ladder. And I felt empty and I felt miserable. And I thought to myself, “Something must be wrong with me. What’s wrong with me?” People look at me and they’re like, “Oh you have such a great life, look how handsome husband you have.” Who could have known he’s a narcissistic and very, very different person behind a closed door than what you can see.
Alyssa Scolari [06:14]:
Right. The things that people can’t see, exactly.
Petia Kolibova [06:16]:
Exactly. And I felt so much shame and so much guilt because when people would look at my life, everything on the outside looked great. I have a great body, I have a great job, I have a great looking husband, right? What’s wrong with me that I am not appreciating what I have? But the things that I had were not things that were meant for me, because I was not true to myself. I was doing all the things that I thought that I should and those things that we think we should are not things that are true and right for us.
Alyssa Scolari [06:50]:
Yes, it’s this idea that I think is ingrained in people that you have to achieve the American dream, climbing the corporate ladder, looking really good, working out, having a really handsome or good looking partner, having money. And it’s like well these are the things that make you happy. And then you attain all of those things and it’s like, “Oh, but I’m still really miserable.”
Petia Kolibova [07:15]:
Yeah, exactly. And it’s the thing, for some people this American dream really works, because that’s what lights them up. We are not here to criticize one way or the other way, but it’s very important for you to realize, “Who am I? What lights me up?” Because doing all those things, listen, my mentor, I have a business and marketing mentor, she’s my friend, she’s my mentor, I love her to life, she’s making between 100 and $600,000 a month. And she is absolutely incredible piece of human being. I love her to life. It turns her on, it lights her up. She is a genius. She is a marketing goddess. That’s how I have her saved in my phone, Shannon, the marketing goddess.
Petia Kolibova [08:05]:
And this lights her up, the spreadsheets, the numbers, the marketing. For me, it drains me. It drains me. That’s why in my business I created a feminine flow and strategies that feel good to you so you don’t have to be working hard and hustling. For her, it turns her on, for me, it turns me down. So we get to ask ourselves, “What are the things that really I’m curious about? What really lights me up?” Those are the things that are going to take you out from that darkness, from that feeling of meaninglessness. Those are the things that you get to start giving yourself permission to feel and to feel it all, not to bury or numb your feelings. Give yourself permission to feel it all, that’s what’s going to make you really feel alive.
Alyssa Scolari [08:59]:
Yes, because if you keep pushing down that feeling that’s coming up that says, “Something’s not right here”, then I find that we end up finding ourselves back in the lull of attraction. And speaking of which, I think what you started off with, with the podcast and what you were talking about was really what the lull of attraction is. So would you mind sharing with the listeners what is the lull of attraction? Because it’s so easy to get caught up in when we don’t honor that feeling.
Petia Kolibova [09:32]:
Absolutely. And I love that question, what really is the lull of attraction? And it’s funny because some people like, “Oh, that’s woo woo stuff, I don’t believe in that.” It’s like saying, “I don’t believe in gravity, that doesn’t apply to me.” Whether you like it or not, it does apply to you and likes are attracting likes. Just think about it, you wake up in the morning and you’re feeling like, “I don’t want to wake up, I don’t want to go to my job”, and everything starts to be looking gray, everything starts to look overwhelming and frustrating. But if you can wake up in the morning and connect with your body, connect with your breath and really think about the things, “What am I really excited for today?” You get to step into that positive expectation. Because when we’re expecting the best and when we’re expecting the positive, the positive will come.
Petia Kolibova [10:22]:
And even if some challenges will come, like traffic or people you don’t want to deal with or traffic ticket, whatever it is, it’s not going to be such a big of a deal. Give yourself permission to create the life you truly desire by being what you desire. You get to be it first. It’s like going to your garden, planting apple trees and waiting for pears to come. It won’t happen. So everything you’re planting out there, it’s going to happen. And listen, it’s not like I have made it, it’s not like my life is perfect. We all are going through the things and ebbs and flows in our life. However, these ebbs and flows are not going to be the highest high and the lowest lows, not anymore. And that’s something that lull of attraction really helps you.
Petia Kolibova [11:13]:
And I remember the first time that I started to learn about lull of attraction. And then I had a negative thought, I was like, “Oh my gosh, I screw it up. Now something really bad will happen.” I was so paranoid like, “Oh my God, I thought about that.” It’s not like that. I feel like our first thought, it’s instinct, like instinctual. It’s like this first glimpse into what could be. Like you’re waking up and you’re feeling negative, don’t worry, choose again. That’s the beauty, each and every moment is a new moment and you can always choose again and that’s what I love. Because sometimes we’re feeling frustrated or overwhelmed. Do something that brings you joy. I go to the park, I go for a walk, I kiss my dog on her belly, that makes me happy.
Alyssa Scolari [12:04]:
That makes me the happiest. Puppy belly kisses, they’re the best.
Petia Kolibova [12:08]:
Right. I love her to life. She is such a joy. Just playing around or I go take a shower. Or my fiance, I can do it myself, but he does EFT tapping on me, just the tapping on me on the meridian points, because that really helps you to, first of all, just to get present, slow down, get into your body, but also tapping on the energetical points that you can shift the energy, you can shift how you’re feeling. So it’s fun.
Alyssa Scolari [12:41]:
Yeah. And I love that you pointed out that just because I recognize the lull of attraction and I recognize that I’m getting what I’m putting out there, and just because I’m working on that and I’m actively trying to change things, doesn’t mean that I’m never going to have lows. It just means that it’s going to be so much easier. It’s just different. It’s more doable than suffering. It really pulls you out of a place of suffering and a place of meaninglessness. What is the point of anything?
Petia Kolibova [13:26]:
Absolutely. And it’s really important to remember, because I even remember when I started my journey I used to be comparing myself with people who are a couple steps ahead of me or are doing the things or having the things that I wanted to. It’s a slippery slope, it really brings you in a downward spiral. So recognizing that we are all on our journey and each of us is working on different things. And it would be super boring if everything is just like butterflies and rainbows. You would be getting bored so quickly, because we came here to experience things, we came here to grow, we came here to evolve. And growth is one of my core values. I really value growth. Sometimes to grow is fun and sometimes it’s uncomfortable, sometimes it’s scary, but we really cam here to experience this world and experience what is it to be a human.
Alyssa Scolari [14:21]:
Yes, we came here to experience all of the emotions both. And I won’t say good and bad because I do not believe that there are bad emotions, but both the difficult ones and the easier ones. We came here to experience it all. I don’t know that we necessarily came here to suffer in the way that we do when we go into this existential crisis of, “What does anything mean?” Now, for you, I wanted to ask, and if this is too personal of a question, please tell me and I absolutely will take no offense. You had mentioned both, I know this was on your website and you had also mentioned this earlier, that you had battled an eating disorder. Were you in the throes and in the midst of your eating disorder while you were “living the dream” with a handsome husband and climbing the corporate ladder? Was that when you were in your eating disorder?
Petia Kolibova [15:26]:
I was struggling with eating disorder for 18 years. So that was most of my life. I started with my eating disorder when I was 11 years old.
Alyssa Scolari [15:37]:
Wow, you were just a kid.
Petia Kolibova [15:40]:
Yeah, it was something that was the biggest part of my life and I never believed that I could overcome it because it was just like… I don’t know if you know the show the Dexter.
Alyssa Scolari [15:51]:
Petia Kolibova [15:52]:
I used to love that show. And at that show he’s talking about a dark passenger, something that comes over him and it’s not him. I felt the same way with my eating disorder, it felt like it was controlling me that I didn’t have a control over it yet usually people with the eating disorder, it’s the control that we are craving, because our life on the outside feels out of our control. So we want to have control over something and your body or what you’re eating is. And I was feeling so empty on inside, in my job, in my relationship, that I wanted to feel filled. And when you eat 10 doughnuts and french baguette and ice cream, you’re feeling pretty filled. So I’m saying jokingly, but back then it was really challenging, because I didn’t see it end, I didn’t see how it would be possible to ever end. So to answer your question, yes it was part of my life for most of my life and I healed when I was almost 30 years old.
Petia Kolibova [16:58]:
Okay, so almost 30 years old. And what really helped me is I started CrossFit. And I know it’s funny, but I started CrossFit and the classes were at 6:00AM. And I had to wake up really early. So if I would be binging and purging the night before, I would be really exhausted. I couldn’t do anything. I felt like I want to die on the workouts. So what I did, I was working out three to four times a week. So I told myself, “I will skip this day, just one day just so I can sleep and work out and then tomorrow I can binge again.” So that really helped me, just one day at a time. And then two days because I was working out two days in a row. So that really helped me to have something.
Petia Kolibova [17:45]:
So it’s really, even if you don’t work out, it’s one day at a time, I can do it, ask for help. Now it’s so much easier than before. This was almost a decade ago, so it wasn’t as easy as podcasts, Instagram, all these things that are so easy nowadays accessible. For as then it was a decade ago when I was feeling alone and ashamed and guilty.
Alyssa Scolari [18:10]:
Yeah. Because what you do right now for your job is bringing people out of the shame and the guilt, particularly women, which sidebar or maybe not a sidebar, but sidebar for a minute, is there a reason why you specifically chose to work with women and women’s empowerment? I love it. Can’t keep the woman down, I am here for it, applaud you, but I’m just wondering was there something specific that led you to be like, “I’m working with women and women only?”
Petia Kolibova [18:46]:
I love that. And thank you so much for recognition of my work. And one of the reasons why I became coach is because I needed this. I needed someone to give me hope, I needed someone to hold my hand, I needed someone who would be listening to me. Because when you think about it, our biggest traumas come from us when we’re growing up not feeling loved, heard and seen. When you don’t feel loved, heard and see and understood, then you’re bringing it into the adulthood and that’s all I brought up into my adulthood feeling unseen, unheard, unlovable and doing crazy things just to be seen and to be validated and outsourcing my worthiness and happiness in other people.
Petia Kolibova [19:27]:
So that’s why I became coach and why I became women’s coach is before I was doing a life and business coaching with women, I was a personal trainer. It was part of my journey. And I would be working with men and women. And I started to really go within and ask myself, why is it that some days I’m really lit up and feeling amazing and some days I’m just dragging into doing the things, right? So for me, men were just more drama, for me, personally. I still had clients that I love to live. I have a client who is 80 years old now and he’s amazing. I loved it. He was so dedicated. He was working out twice a week and it’s just incredible. But I realized what really does lie to me up it’s igniting woman and bringing in the hope and bringing in the possibilities because in my heart, I truly believe that as women, we are peacemakers, we are lovers, we are nurturers and we can truly make the difference because we are not only birthing babies, but we are birthing ideas.
Petia Kolibova [20:42]:
And I believe that it’s time that we are shifting from patriarchy back to matriarchy when women are celebrated, listened and really respected. So I want women to step into their power, because I believe that when a woman is feeling good, she will share with everyone else around her, her family, her kids, her partner, her friends, she will give it out, right? Men, there are amazingly focused, right? I’m protector and provider, I got to go. But usually, he doesn’t think about the family, the community. And there are some men they are, because it’s all about masculine and feminine energy. But for me, who really, really lights me up are the women who came here to help others. I want to help women who wants to help others, whether it’s your family and you just want to be a better mom or whether you want to create an online business and impacting thousands or millions, I’m here for that. But I’m only working with woman who wants to be helping others.
Alyssa Scolari [21:52]:
Yes. And it’s so I think extra special, because you are targeting a group of people who are generally held down. Women much more than men go unheard, not listened to, not taken seriously, are raised to feel shame in their bodies, shame about no matter what women do, whether they are staying at home, whether they are climbing the corporate ladder, they don’t do anything right. So I really love that and appreciate just the advocacy and the empowerment and the way that you say, “I want to work with women who want to help others in some capacity, who are giving back to the community and giving back to the world in some capacity.” They don’t necessarily need to be CEOs or business women, but women who are looking to give back.
Petia Kolibova [22:52]:
I love that. And one thing that I started to say that I would love to share with you, and this is just my personal feeling is when we say we are giving back, it’s like I have taken something. I have taken something and I’m going and giving it back. So what I love seeing is I’m paying it forward. I’m just paying it forward. I’m giving it to those in need, because when we say I’m giving it back, I didn’t take anything from anyone so why should I give something back? I’m paying it forward and I’m giving it to people who are open to it, because not everybody is.
Alyssa Scolari [23:29]:
Yeah, it’s so true. And I also really want to touch on the inner child work that you do, because it sounds like you do a lot of work about helping women speak back or helping women to nurture their inner child so that they can feel seen.
Petia Kolibova [23:55]:
Absolutely. And it’s something that we touched a little bit on, Alyssa, when I was mentioning that many of our traumas come to us because we’re feeling unseen and unheard and understood. And some women who come to me, they went through really huge traumas, like a sexual abuse, physical abuse and things that we leave marks on you, not only on your body, but special in your soul and how we are perceiving ourselves. But then there are also women who come to me who are like, “Well, I had a great childhood. I had great parents, I love them, I have a great relationship with them,” yet still there are some traumas when we feel unheard or unseen. Just think about it.
Petia Kolibova [24:40]:
One of my clients, she was on my retreat in Bali. And when we were doing a childhood, I do hypnosis, I do NLP, I do meditation. So when I was doing session with her, she was like, “Oh, I don’t have any bad experiences from my childhood and anything. It was cool.” And I was like, “Okay.” I’m like, “Tell me something about your childhood.” And she was like, “I don’t remember.” I’m like, “Oh, that’s interesting. Why wouldn’t you remember? What is there that you don’t want to remember?” So I just invited her and I took her through hypnosis and we find out that she really felt abandoned by her father, because her father didn’t come at night to cover her, to tackle her, because he was busy working. And so she felt unworthy because her dad didn’t make time for her just to cover her.
Petia Kolibova [25:29]:
And this is when you think about it, this story, it’s like the dad would have different perception like, “Hey, I love you so much and I want to work and I want to make money so you can have a better life than me. So I am proving you my love.” For her, as a little girl, “Dad’s working, dad is busy, doesn’t have time for me, he doesn’t care, he doesn’t love me.” So the stories that we create, we were able to go back. We were able to recreate that memory, meaning re-parent yourself, receiving the things that you wish that you received. So we created a different story, different scenario. She’s a little girl, lying in a bed, her dad is coming telling her stories, covering her up, kissing her in a front head. And she creates this as a memory. Your brain cannot distinguish from a memory or a visualization. It can’t. It can’t feel the same way.
Petia Kolibova [26:23]:
Just think about it when you’re watching movies. Listen, five minutes in a romantic movie, I’m already crying. We went on a wedding last weekend and they just start playing music and I’m crying. So it can take us back and we can feel it into our bodies. So recreating, re-parenting yourself. Thank God that we did that because a few months after the retreat, she reconciled with her father. She was able to recreate the relationship. She spent a couple months in Europe with him. He passed away.
Alyssa Scolari [26:55]:
Petia Kolibova [26:56]:
If she wouldn’t done the retreat.
Alyssa Scolari [26:58]:
Petia Kolibova [27:01]:
And I just had it, because she’s local here. We had a VIP day experience together, which means spending all afternoon with me. And she told me, “I want to thank you enough. And again, because I cannot thank you enough for how you helped me to reconcile with my father.” Because I could just leave it there and I could just say like, “Okay, you think you had a cool childhood. Okay, great. Next.” But it’s me trusting my intuition and each and every one of us has it. Trust your intuition, don’t bypass things. You bypass things, you bypass love, you bypass life. Don’t do that. That’s why I do the inner child healing. Each and every one of us really need it.
Petia Kolibova [27:45]:
No matter what your childhood was like, I can promise you, there were things that hurt you. One of my clients, we were working on, her parents, they went in big grocery store, like Costco, when she was a little girl. They went shopping, she got lost and she had a trauma from that. They found her, come on, it’s Costco. They put her in a register. It’s like 10 minutes later. But she had a trauma of being unseen. So she went into the introverted stage of, “I don’t matter. I’m not meant to be seen, because if I were to be seen, my parents wouldn’t leave me behind.” The stories we create as little kinds. It’s important for you to go back because if you don’t go back, you are going to do this over and over and over again, in all of your relationship with the relationship itself, relationship with money, relationship with your family, relationship with friends at work. You will keep recreating it because that little child wasn’t taken care of.
Alyssa Scolari [28:48]:
Yes. And I really appreciate you pointing now examples that are less severe, because I think that trauma is not necessarily about the event itself. Not I think, we know research tells us trauma is not about the event itself, trauma is about the narrative that you’ve created around the event or the way in which the event was handled, et cetera. So I think it’s really important to point out that none of us go unscathed in our childhood. We all had moments of feeling unseen, unheard, unloved, unwanted, whatever you want to call it.
Petia Kolibova [29:37]:
Absolutely. And it’s really important to recognize and acknowledge your feelings. Because like my client told me, “Oh, there was no big deal, there was no nothing,” because she made it a not big deal, but because she just put it under the rock instead of looking at it and how did I really feel? How does it make me feel now? So acknowledge your feelings. It’s not that something is bigger and something is smaller trauma. If it hurts you validate that feeling, but you don’t have to validate it and sit on it. It’s when we can look at those feelings and acknowledged them that they can go through us versus us, “Oh, this is not big deal. Oh, this is already in the past.” Then it sits in our body and it shows in a disease.
Alyssa Scolari [30:28]:
Yeah, exactly. Exactly, it does turn into disease. I love that you pointed that out because I think that it’s so true when we keep it in. And then again, there comes that lull of attraction where we’re keeping things in and more often than not, it’s subconscious. We are attracting people and things that make us feel the same emptiness or make us feel unheard, the same feelings that we felt in childhood.
Petia Kolibova [31:00]:
Exactly. And that’s why it’s really time for you to shift. And it doesn’t matter if you’re 20 years old or 60 years old, the time is really now to start taking care of you and bringing into awareness and giving yourself permission to live a life that is true to you.
Alyssa Scolari [31:17]:
Now, how do you help people? And this is a loaded question. And I’m not sure if it’s maybe too broad, but I’m just thinking back to the woman who was able to reconcile that relationship with her father. How would you help somebody where that wasn’t an option? I’m sure you’ve had plenty of women who are estranged from their families. Their parents had difficult childhoods for reasons that really aren’t able to be reconciled.
Petia Kolibova [31:52]:
I love that question. Sometimes we just get to do the work on ourselves, do the work for us not for them. For her, it was amazing. She was able to go back, talk to her dad. Maybe your parents don’t want to speak to you. Maybe the parents, they are not here anymore. Maybe it’s not a parent who hurts you, maybe it’s someone who just is not even in your sphere. So what I do in those cases, I have a forgiveness framework that we do together because it’s really important to forgive, not only them but to yourself. And the forgiveness framework is not just the forgiveness letter, because I did hundreds of those and I was still pissed and I was still frustrated and I was still hurt. Then I’m like, “Okay, I burned millions of letters and I’m still feeling it,” but I created a forgiveness framework where I guide my clients through the steps of shifting their perception.
Petia Kolibova [32:56]:
And like you said, rewriting that story. First, it’s framed as a letter, but it has specific steps that are consciously you’re hurt, consciously you know this person hurt me, this person made me harm or this is the story that I have about the person. So your conscious mind wants to keep you safe, the conscious mind wants to keep you protected and will say like, “Stop, you cannot forgive this person, this person did you wrong,” whatever it is. So when we work on the forgiveness framework, it’s the subconscious mind. So the words that I’m using, the questions that I’m using, the writing the letter that I’m using, it really goes to your subconscious mind. So it surpasses the conscious mind where there is still some pain hurt and resistance. And we always start the letter with appreciation because no matter what that event created something for you, it created an opportunity.
Petia Kolibova [34:00]:
So first we look for the opportunity, because you can start a forgiveness letter and say, “You did this, this, this to me, but I want to be free so I forgive you.” Your conscious mind will say, “That’s a BS, you cannot, we cannot, and I’m still pissed and I’m still hurt.” But when we start with celebrating the opportunity and looking at that person as something that added into our life, no matter how horrific, how big or small was the event or how we made it, we start first into the opportunity. And then where I take them is looking at this person as again, a little child. That’s when the inner child comes in to work, because you’re going to be looking at person who is adult differently than you will look at the small five year old who is scared, who screwed up, who is afraid.
Petia Kolibova [34:57]:
How did they grow up? Do you know that? If not, still imagining them like a little child. And thank them and tell them why they are not right to be in your life. So, for example, when I was doing the forgiveness framework, I did it for one of my ex boyfriends. I wrote it down and I said, “Dear, so and so I say, thank you so much for showing me what does it feel like when a woman is treated like a goddess and you give her massages and bring her gifts and bring her flowers. That was so beautiful. I know that you are still scared to get intimate because you never had that in your life.” And then I step into, “You’re not the one because the one treats me like the only one, it’s family oriented, it’s looking for commitment, it’s loyal, it’s committed and all these things.” And then I said, “Thank you, I release you from my life.”
Alyssa Scolari [35:51]:
I love it. I love this so much, because for the listeners out there, this is going to sound familiar to you if you’ve listened to previous episodes. So I have a private Facebook group where I post these daily engagement posts and there are quotes. And one of the quotes and this quote is I think one of the most controversial ones in the group, it’s a group for trauma survivors. And this quote reads, “Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too was a gift.” And that was a quote by, Lord help me I am going to butcher this name, Pema, P-E-M-A, Chodron, C-H-O-D-R-O-N. This quote is one of the most controversial topics in the Facebook group, because people are, I think very triggered by it because they’re like, “Well, I’m not going to be thankful for my abuse or thankful for what happens to me.”
Alyssa Scolari [37:00]:
And I understand that, but I don’t think that’s what this quote says. I think this quote is saying similar to what you’re saying, which is, it’s not about accepting what was done to you, it’s not about saying, “Oh, my abuse was a gift,” it’s not about saying, “I am so glad I married that narcissistic man,” it’s about, just like you said, a forgiveness framework and the ability to pull a gift from it.
Petia Kolibova [37:36]:
Yeah. I love that quote and I can see why it would be controversial, because when we are sending in our pain, we want to point out and give that pain to someone, we want to blame, we want to show, we want to ride like showing others and say that, “Oh, when you suffer then I will feel better,” but it doesn’t work this way. So when you’re releasing that, it doesn’t make it right, but it does make it bearable and understandable, because I was physically, mentally abused, because I was with narcissistic man or process or jealous man. Now I’m loving, I’m compassionate and patient. It’s funny. I think that you have this thing in America, you go the extra mile. My client told me, “You go extra 100 miles for your clients,” because I know what does it feel like sitting in a darkness. I know what does it feel like to be alone and not wanting to live.
Petia Kolibova [38:32]:
One time I attempted for suicide. Second time I was thinking about it again. That’s why I knew I have to change my life. I didn’t want to be here. And women are suffering quietly. They’re keeping themselves busy. They’re in the people pleasing mode. They are thinking that when I make everybody around myself happy, then I will be happy, but you won’t.
Alyssa Scolari [38:54]:
Yes. That is speaking a very hard truth. Was that part of the inspiration for your podcast?
Petia Kolibova [39:06]:
I love that question. When I started my podcast over three years ago, it was called Be Strong Minded, because be comes from the being, that’s the spirit. Strong comes from the physical. Minded is the mindset. So I wanted to blend those three, the mind, body, spirit. The spirit, body and mind in my case, and I had it for like a year, and that was when I started to really shift to my life because I realized that when I am unapologetically me, you either take it or you leave it and I don’t care because I care too much and too deeply. That’s when the abundance come into my life. Up until that point, I was working hard and hustling in my masculine energy and doing things, improving others and just keeping myself busy and really not living.
Petia Kolibova [39:58]:
And when I was able to slow down and step into the flow and the trust, that was the moment that I was really able to create the abundance. So that’s when I changed the name of my podcast into Unapologetically Abundant, because when you become unapologetically, you and what you stand for, that’s when the abundance can come in, in money, in freedom, in relationships, in house, in the richness of life and everything it can bring, but you get to be you. That’s your purpose. That’s why you came here. So that’s why I renamed my podcast.
Alyssa Scolari [40:34]:
Yeah. I love it. It’s incredible. So you’re podcast is a podcast for specifically women, correct?
Petia Kolibova [40:44]:
Alyssa Scolari [40:45]:
And it’s all about the same principles that you work towards when you work with somebody solo basically, obviously not as detailed, but it’s the same type of mindset?
Petia Kolibova [40:59]:
Yes, absolutely. I bring on guests who are living the abundant life and who are living fulfilled life. It’s very important to live a fulfilled life. That’s what I do. And then I have a short solo episodes where I am sharing bits of wisdom and mindset shifts.
Alyssa Scolari [41:20]:
I love it. And isn’t it so beautiful when you are able to sit in a space with somebody who has become unapologetically abundant?
Petia Kolibova [41:29]:
You can feel it, because it doesn’t matter what you say, it doesn’t matter what you do, people can feel your energy. And that’s priceless. I remember few years ago people were telling me like, “Oh, your energy is so amazing.” I was like, “What are talking about? What energy? What?” Me in the beginning of my journey, I was like, “What?” And then they’re like, “Oh, I always feel good when I’m around you.” I was like, “Why?” I didn’t get it. I didn’t know that, but now I can see it. And even people when they’re around me and in my life, they’re like, “I know.” That’s I do like woman’s weekends retreats, just here for a weekend in Las Vegas. I do international retreats in Mexico and in Bali, because I know that the feeling is just priceless. So it’s really all about how you’re feeling. How you’re feeling is going to lead into what you’re thinking. What you’re thinking will lead into the action that will lead into the results and what you are ultimately having in your life. So it all starts with how you’re feeling.
Alyssa Scolari [42:37]:
Yes. And it’s 1000% accurate. I absolutely feed and thrive off of the energy that you have. Absolutely. And it is one of those things that you can feel the moment that you meet somebody and you just know. And you have it, you are the epitome and the definition of unapologetically abundant. And I love it. I am so happy that you came on the show. It has been such a joy to talk to you. So now, if people who are hearing less, if they are like, “I need more of this in my life,” where can they go? So I know you have your social media, you have your podcasts, all of which I’m going to link on the show notes. And if people want to seek you out for services, where do they find you at?
Petia Kolibova [43:32]:
I love that question. You can find all the information on my website, petiakolibova.com, but also you can shoot me a quick message on Instagram or on Facebook. All of it is Petia Kolibova. I am very responsive. I have also my team who is helping me. And you never know if this really resonates. There is this saying, and it’s funny because my new clients always come with that saying to me, when the student is ready, the teacher appears. So if you’re listening to this and you’re feeling moved and you’re feeling like you’re truly meant for more than what you’re experiencing right now, whether it’s your personal life and how you’re feeling and you want to attract the love of your life or create health in your body or do you want to create online thriving business. I’m here for that. I’m taking usually just a couple of clients, a quarter, because with the wedding and the traveling and everything that is going on, I’m very present to my clients. So I take only a couple, but I would be more than happy to connect with you and see how I can support you.
Alyssa Scolari [44:37]:
Beautiful. And I will link all of that in the show notes for our listeners. Petia, thank you so much for coming today and for being a guest and for being so vulnerable and for the work that you do to help empower women, because feminine energy is divine and it is not given nearly enough attention.
Petia Kolibova [45:02]:
Thank you so much, Alyssa. I love what you’re doing, your work and thank you for inviting me, recognizing me. And like I said, if I can do anything to support, I’m just a message away.
Alyssa Scolari [45:13]:
Thank you. Thanks for listening, everyone. For more information, please head over to lightaftertrauma.com or you can also follow us on social media. On Instagram, we are @lightaftertrauma. And on Twitter, it is @lightafterpod. And if you’re on Facebook, please be sure to join our Facebook group. It is a private community where trauma survivors are able to connect and chat with one another. That Facebook group is called Light After Trauma. So just look us up on Facebook and be sure to join.
Alyssa Scolari [45:46]:
Lastly, please head over to patreon.com/lightaftertrauma to support our show. We are asking for $5 dollars a month, which is the equivalent to a cup of coffee at Starbucks. So please head on over again, that’s patreon.com/lightaftertrauma. Thank you. And we appreciate your support.
Alyssa Scolari [46:06]: